Disjointed Thoughts, But Not Because of Alcohol

I sit here, with a cup of rum beside me and an open notebook, wanting to write something. Two girls perch on the edge of my couch, as I slouch across a giant pillow on the floor.

I don't understand why I only get the urge to write when I am particularly down and out. Is the point of everything to prove that the stereotypes are true? To be a writer is to be depressed? I'd rather not, thanks though.

I sent an epically long email this afternoon, and it was more writing than I had done in a very long time. The more letters I write, the more I will be inspired to write.

One of my summer courses is an Ekphrasis course. It is a theory from Greek philosophy in which you respond to a piece of art with your own artform. We will be (hopefully) doing a great deal of writing and editing with feedback during the 7 week course. One can only hope.

Hide From The World

I'm thinking about going back to Flagler.

On one hand, it is a terrible idea. I didn't do well there the first time around, and I hated what I was doing.

On the other hand, it's a chance to prove to myself that I can succeed at whatever I put my mind too. I love history, have loved history for years and years, letting one teacher scare me away from my favorite subject. Flagler has a history major. It also has a Liberal Arts major, in case I can't decide at all.

I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I think about St Augustine. It's like being so in love with something, it makes you nauseous just to think about, that's how excited you are. I want to be there, to live there, to stop convincing myself why it was a good idea to leave.

I know the people won't be the same. I'm a whole semester behind all of my friends just from this year alone, not to mention all the credits that won't transfer back over because of my grades. But I can't let a college beat me. I want to be able to tell people about the school I love so much.

I miss having friends. I miss being able to walk around at night. I miss the White Lion, the Bridge of Lions, the winter lights. I miss the theater department, and how cold all the dorms are.

I want to go back, but I don't know if anyone will approve.